Courtroom of Anime: NO Pluto
by Miz-KTakase
Summary: In a special new series, the world of anime is into court, to resolve differences. In the first episode, Sailor Moon and the Sailor Guardians want to end the debate on Sailor Pluto, once and for all. Will Pluto survive? Doubt it. Rated M for explicit language. Based on a (partially) true story.


**_The following fic you're about to see is fictional, but also factual. DO NOT attempt to redo or reboot any scenes or styles, without express written consent.  
Also, do NOT hate me for what I am about to do in this fic series._**

 ** _Enjoy the fic._**

* * *

Outside, in a brisk cold afternoon, in the city of Middle of Nowhere, USA, there was a huge white marble courthouse, located in the middle of downtown.

 _You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Orville P. Gumball. The people are real… The cases are real… and the verdicts are final, so you better deal with it, since it's HIS rule, or else he'll send your butt to the slammer!  
You're about to enter… **The Courtroom of Anime!**_

* * *

 _Courtroom – Monday, Nov. 7th, 2016 – 10:00am_

* * *

A man in a black robe, with no hair, banged his wooden gavel on the podium, as he called out, "Order in this courtroom!"

He said, "First off, Miz-K Takase has announced that he's continuing his fics, once his mother is back from the hospital, including _Miyazawa & May _and the _20th Maiden Universe_ story. And to add, this is a brand-new periodic series that we're doing, so, expect more of this, real soon.  
And on a random note, my congratulations on the Chicago Cubs on winning the World Series, after a century and eight years long. I hope they lose, this time, since we don't care about it, anymore. WE ALL wanted to see them win it all, for once.  
And now, without further words of wisdom, bring the troublemakers to my courtroom!"

A tan-skinned woman in long green hair and a light purple business suit appeared on the podium, as she held her papers in a folder. Another girl, a woman with long blonde hair and a red bow, wearing her pink blouse and white skirt, approached the second podium.

The judge said, "Today, Minako Aino, a.k.a. Sailor V, a.k.a. Sailor Venus, on behalf of the Sailor Guardians, is suing Setsuna Meioh, a.k.a. Sailor Pluto, for illegally calling herself a Sailor Scout, because Pluto is not a planet. Now, Setsuna, why are you defending yourself?"

Setsuna explained, "Your honor, I am suing Minako and the others, since they ripped on me, for no good reason! I am Setsuna Meioh, also known as Sailor Pluto, the Sailor Guardian of Time and Spa-!"

Minako called out, "OBJECTION! Since the last show, Pluto's not a planet, anymore!"

The judge banged the gavel and said, "Order in the court! Setsuna, care to explain why you're suing the Sailor Scouts back, for that remark?"

Setsuna explained, "Well, your honor, it's because they said mean things about me, including how I am middle-aged. I am actually single, being that I died _twice_ in the anime series. To be honest, I never had time for boys, and because my role was limited, since I debuted in the _Sailor Saturn Arc_. I am not counting the _Dark Moon Arc_ , since that was another Sailor Pluto."

Minako replied, "No, you're obviously the same thing! Your honor, Setsuna is telling the truth, but apparently, she reappeared in _Sailor Moon Crystal_ , which debuted in 2014."

The judge said, "Miss Aino, elaborate. Why would you call Sailor Pluto an ex-Scout?"

Minako said, "Because Pluto is NOT a planet!"

The crowd gasped, as the Judge retorted, "And why is that?"

A girl in blue hair said, "Science! And Neil deGrasse Tyson!"

Setsuna cried, "But that makes no sense! Pluto's a planet, still!"

A girl in long brown hair, done in a ponytail, and flower earrings, added, "Uh, no, Setsuna. We are Guardians of different planets, and you're like an itty-bitty asteroid, or something, now…"

Setsuna cried, "Itty-bitty?!"

Minako said, "And to remind everyone, our banter at Sailor Pluto is also available on _Fox's Animation Domination Hi-Def_."

The judge banged the gavel and roared, "MISS AINO! YOU'RE PROMO FOR _FOX ADHD_ IS STRICKEN FROM THE RECORD! And furthermore…"

 _(Chris Jericho):_ YOU JUST MADE THE LIST! _  
(The crowd cheers on)_

Minako turns beet red in anger, as she was **_triggered_**. She roared, "IN THE NAME OF LOVE, DON'T MAKE ME PUNISH YOU!"

The judge banged his gavel again and yelled, "I SAID, SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He said, "Now, let me hear Setsuna's side of the story."

Setsuna said, "Even so, the girls were right about me, since I am simply a Sailor Scout. However, the people declared Pluto a planet, but Sailor Pluto was birthed in the Dark Moon Arc, as I, uh, the original Sailor Pluto was assigned to protect Small Lady. But by the time the series ended, we decided to continue our legacy, including the Sailor Moon reruns. Of course, I was paid lesser, since I wasn't a stand-out character. But luckily, I went forward in time, placing bets on sports teams and make good money. Sadly, 2010 was the worst. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THE BLACKHAWKS WOULD WIN THE STANLEY CUP? And 2015 was dead wrong! I tried to warn all of you that _Back to the Future II_ was dead wrong, but NO! I did disobey my duties as Guardian and Controller of Time and Spa-."

Minako smirked, "Uh, no, you're not."

Setsuna continued, "…but since the anime ended, I wanted to live retirement… that is, until the reboot came along, and I became a Sailor Scout, again-!"

Minako cried, "OBJECTION! Since the show ended, Pluto's not a planet, anymore! Stop crying in the future, Marty McFly Girl!"

The crowd started to scream and holler, as Setsuna was burned by Minako's insult. The judge banged his gavel again and said, "THAT'S ENOUGH! Does Miss Meioh have anyone to defend for her?"

Setsuna said, "Yes. Defense calls Usagi Tsukino to the stand!"

Usagi, a girl in long golden yellow hair, done in long pigtails and ox horns, wearing a pink shirt and a yellow skirt, sat down on the chair. The judge said, "Miss Tsukino, explain to the court who you are."

"I am Usagi Tsukino, also known as Sailor Moon, the Pretty Guardian who fights for Love and Justice. I am also the Moon Princess." Usagi said.

Setsuna asked, "Miss Tsukino, did you insult me, being Pluto is no longer a planet?"

Usagi sobbed, "Yes. I am so sorry."

Setsuna said, "And is it because you're _Sailor Moon_? The moon is not a planet."

Usagi nodded, "Yes…"

She grinned, "But more of a better planet than you'll ever be."

Minako laughed, "Unless you count weight."

The crowd cheered again, as Setsuna turned deep red, **_triggered_ ** like earlier. Fat jokes aside, Usagi added, "And also, you're guilty. You're not a planet, anymore, being you're hanging out with us high schoolers, since _Sailor Stars_. How old _are_ you?"

Setsuna said, "Your honor, I chose to withhold my age."

Judge said, "Granted."

Minako replied, "Well, I bet she's 41. I'll kill myself, if I'm that age."

Setsuna asked, "Your honor, have that insult stricken from the record!"

The judge said, "You got it. That was so insulting, she'll be 88, before you laugh at Pluto, again!"

Usagi asked, "Uh, Miss Meioh, why are you against me? You called me to the stand, and I did a bad thing."

Setsuna said, "That's fine. But don't bother me with more Dwarf jokes."

Judge asked, "Pluto's a dwarf?"

Ami said, "It's true. Since 2006, the planet of Pluto is considered a Dwarf Planet, and not an actual planet, anymore. And Setsuna is obviously reprising her role, after eight years. That's fucked up, man!"

Makoto said, "Yeah. There have been arguments about what to do with Sailor Pluto… but they chose to keep her, anyway. She never appeared in _Sailor Moon Super S_."

Setsuna cried, "THAT'S BECAUSE YOU JERKS NEVER CASTED ME, OR HARUKA, OR MICHIRU!"

Minako asked, "Who? Oh, right… That lesbian cousin."

Setsuna cried, "She's _transgender_!"

A woman in short blonde hair called, "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! I RESENT THAT!"

The _BND Theme_ plays, as Haruka and Michiru appeared, in matching red and black school uniforms. Haruka was in a red blazer and black pants, while Michiru, a woman in green hair, wore a red shirt and black skirt. Haruka said, "We come here to defend Sailor Pluto! Despite the fact that she is no longer a planet, she is still a Sailor Guardian!"

Michiru said, "I agree. What's done is done. If Usagi has a problem with it, we won't stop her. But the only person to blame is Neil deGrasse Tyson, for removing Sailor Pluto from the roster, even though Pluto is a Dwarf."

Minako cried, "OBJECTION! You can't do that!"

Haruka said, "Yes, we can. Because, you know why? You guys removed us from the _Sailor Moon Super S_ series. Stupid idiots!"

Usagi said, "At least you guys got to be in the _Super S Movie_!"

Michiru replied, "At least we got our own camera time, battling an evil puppet, in dark energy."

Minako huffed, "That doesn't count. Pluto is not a planet, and we justify Sailor Pluto's existence! Justifed! You hear me? Justified! Justified!"

Setsuna cried, "JUSTIFIED, MY ASS! I'm still a Sailor Guardian! Right, girls?"

Usagi snickered, "Uh, that's not what _The Gang's Plutonic Party_ said~. Didn't Haruka and Michiru kill you?"

Setsuna gasped in shock, as Haruka cried, "Scandalous! That's very heavily verily scandalous! Sailor Pluto is a Scout, but Pluto is NOT a planet! You cannot erase her existence, altogether, because of an edict!"

Michiru said, "If you plead that woman _GUILTY_ , there will be heavy consequences! And DON'T say I made the _List of Jericho_ for saying that, because Pluto is no longer a planet. Pluto is not a planet, when the Cubs win the World Series… _again_."

The judge said, "They won 3 titles, one in 1907, 1908, and this past week in 2016. Next thing you're going to say you're voting for Trump or Clinton!"

 ** _NOTE:_** _The fic happened, the day before Election Day._

Haruka cried, "OH, YOU JERKS ARE GOING TO GET IT!"

Setsuna said, "Calm down, girls. I'm sure we'll find a way."

Ami approached the bench and said, "Excuse me… but I believe the side of Minako calls for a surprise witness to the stand."

She calls out, "Prosecution calls Neil deGrasse Tyson to the stand!"

A dark-skinned man in gray hair and a mustache, with a green blazer, red sweater, and slacks approached the bench. The judge said, "State your name, sir."

Neil said, "I am Neil deGrasse Tyson. I am an astrophysicist, cosmologist, and an author."

Minako said, "Mr. Tyson, please elaborate to our idiot friend why she is not a planet. I say she's off the rocket."

Neil explained, "Thank you. And also, it's _off her rocker_. Anyway, I have explained to all the people in the world that Pluto is NOT a planet. While it is orbiting around the Kuiper Belt, it is very small to be seen. I, however, dismissed the idea that Pluto is not considered the _Ninth Planet_ of our Solar System. Now, I'm not into anime, as they call it, but the point is… … …"

He paused, and pondered, as Setsuna asked, "Are you going to say something to rise my happiness?"

"No." Neil said, "I had something for this, but I lost it. But the point is, you girls look cute in your outfits."

The girls blushed, as Neil continued, "But my findings are clear… Pluto is considered a Dwarf Planet, and NOT a moon rock. However, should you call yourself Sailor Pluto, might I suggest to add newer Sailor Scouts, named after the other Dwarf Planets: _Eris, Makemake, Haumea, Ceres, Charon, and Sedna_."

Usagi counted, as she cried, "EEK! THAT'S 7 Sailor Dwarf Guardians against us _nine_ Sailor Guardians!"

Ami said, "Usagi, we have them outnumbered!"

Usagi pouted, "But not with those traitors, Uranus and Neptune…"

Setsuna responded, "Your honor, unless Sailor Moon gets a spinoff of the Dwarf Planets, I refuse to ignore the fact that Pluto was considered a planet! However, I am still Sailor Pluto, and my namesake remains!"

Neil said, "Correct, Setsuna. As long as you're named after a planet, asteroid, comet, or star, you're always going to be special."

Setsuna blushed, as she giggled, "Will you please call me a _planet_ , one final time, for old time's sake?"

Neil said bluntly, "No way." and then he left the bench.

Ami replied to the judge, "Your honor, we'd also like to add that _Sailor Moon Crystal_ debuted in 2014, years after Pluto is no longer a planet. And to add, if there is a Sailor Earth, it should be Mamoru, since he's Prince Endymion of Earth."

Usagi said, "Yeah! And I'll never forgive you for making me break up with my man, Setsuna!"

The judge banged his gavel and said, "ENOUGH! That's enough out of each of you! I refuse to have you girls argue and bitch, like a bunch of Sailor Babies!"

He calmed down and said, "Well, while I agree that Sailor Pluto is here to stay, and agree that Pluto is considered a planet, just not a MAIN planet, but a small subsidiary planet, you girls cannot act like spoiled 16-year old whores! I have no choice but to make the verdict."

The jury stood up, as the judge said to them, "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict?"

The first juror said, "Yes, your honor. We find the defendant… _and_ the other Sailor Scouts… **_GUILTY!_** "

The girls shrieked, "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

The judge nodded and said, "Good work. Miss Meioh, Miss Aino, the court finds both of you GUILTY! However, only _one_ of you will be punished. I'll be back, in a bit, to make a decision. This court is in recess, until then."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, the judge returned, as he ordered both Setsuna and Minako to stand up.

He then said, "Alrighty, we're back. I have made my decision. It was tough, but after a long talk with the bailiffs, and a few jurors, it was close. And I decided… Screw it!  
Setsuna Meioh… Minako Aino…"

( _Mr. McMagnus "formerly McMahon"_ ): **YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRED!  
** (The crowd roars in protest)

The judge said, "You're GUILTY! BOTH OF YOU! The court finds in favor of **_nobody_**! Miss Meioh, I hereby sentence you to _Indefinite Imprisonment_ in the LivE Jail, until _Sailor Moon Crystal_ gets another Season, with an episode featuring you in it, which won't be for a while."

Setsuna cried, "BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR! I don't even appear, until the _Sailor Stars_ Arc!"

Minako laughed evilly, as she said, "Poor Ex-Pluto~! So, looks like Venus wins, and justice prevails against former planets!"

Setsuna was on all-fours, with a spotlight shone at her, crying, "No… Me, the Sailor Guardian of Time & Space… Me… Sailor Pluto… A planet, no more… Has my bad luck gone worse off?"

Minako jeered, "Heh… Middle-aged loser!"

The judge roared, "NOT SO FAST, Miss Aino! I have reviewed the ADHD Cartoon you were featured, and I will now release the following insults you girls said!  
Quote – _Since the last show, Pluto's not a planet, anymore! (Minako Aino)  
We get our powers (grunting noise) from the planets, and you're like a fucking asteroid or something, now. (Makoto Kino)  
MORE of a planet YOU'LL ever be! (Usagi Tsukino)  
Unless you count weight… (Minako Aino, again)  
Yeah, and you're hanging out with 8th graders! That's fucking weird, Pluto! (Ami Mizuno)  
I'll NEVER turn 41. I'll kill myself, first! (Minako, again!)  
Pluto, no! You stay here! Get a job, or like… find a husband! (Luna) _– End quote. What the fuck! You girls insulted a _former_ Sailor Scout, dropping profanity, seeing you're still in high school! What have you to say for yourselves?"

Usagi, Ami, Makoto, & Minako gulped in fear, "Eep."

Usagi growled in anger, "Damn it, Luna!"

Minako huffed, "Uh, your honor, we're adults now." _  
_The Judge boomed, as he banged the gavel, "Shut up! Because you insulted Setsuna Meioh, along with Miss Tsukino, Miss Mizuno, and Miss Kino, I sentence each of you four to ** _OVER 9,000_** hours of Community Service, and 30 days in the LivE Jail! Also, your powers are temporarily stripped, until your sentence has ended!"

Minako shrieked, "WHAT?! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!"

Usagi wailed, "WHY? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I DON'T WANT TO DO JAIL TIME!"

Makoto growled, "The Sailor Guardians… incarcerated… A dark day for us Magical Girls."

Ami asked, "Hey, wait… Where's Rei?"

Meanwhile, far away in Tokyo, Japan, a girl in black hair, wearing her gray and black school uniform, was viewing the line of Maidens and Butlers, in a row. She said, as she was viewing each Maiden and Butler, "I do believe that some of them will be perfect for my part in the _20th Maiden Universe_ story. Uh, that one… that one… this one… and, OH! That one that looks like Jadeite, except with that cute hairstyle."

The technician in a white lab coat said, "Yes, Miss Hino. Also, weren't you supposed to be at the courthouse, hours ago? Your friends were talking about it, near the entrance to our factory."

Rei gasped, but then giggled, "Oh, that. Was that today?"

 ** _NOTE:_** _In that ADHD skit, Sailor Mars had only ONE line. So, she got away with it._

Back at the courtroom, the Judge said, "And court's adjourned! Cue the _End Label_!"

* * *

 ** _Thanks for Reading!_**

* * *

 ** _Inspired by Taylor Enterprises, for "The Courtroom of Randomness". DO NOT attempt to steal or copy his work, or face severe penalties._**


End file.
